I am currently reading the book The Courage To Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis. I’ve been reading this book for about a year. I read a passage and let it sink in for a while, then continue.
Last night I was reading about saying no: “Although It’s sometimes scary to say no, the rewards are worth it. You feel safer because you are protecting yourself from situations you don’t want to be in. You get more of what you want, more of the time. You don’t feel like a victim. You experience more confidence, power and self-respect. Your self-esteem will rise.”
I have a big issue with saying no. Every time I say no, I feel like I’m letting that person down. Even if they are complete strangers. This has led to many issues in my life, from not being able to say no to taking a hit, or sex, etc.
I have a friend who helps me with this. He might not entirely realize this, but just a year ago I would have never dared say no to him. Now if he asks me something, and I don’t like it, or want to participate I am able to say no. And stick by that.
The first time I said no to him, I felt horrible. But I kept saying no. Repeating it out loud and over and over in my head, I didn’t feel bad. It’s so empowering to be able to say no, I don’t want to do that, I want to do something for me.
Congratulations on learning to say no. It is really, really difficult and you should be proud of yourself!!!
Lindsey Petersen
http://5kidswdisabilities.wordpress.com