Archive for August, 2010


My mother is getting better. She is back home, able to drive and can walk some. She goes to her therapy three times a week and the swelling on her leg is slowly going down. She still has to be careful, she’s forbidden from getting anymore tattoo’s and cannot get a cut on that leg at all. I suppose I am glad she’s feeling better. Shes not even 40, and these health problems at her age is very worrying.

My little sister seems to be doing better. Mother has been nicer to her. We will see how long that lasts. Mother has mental problems, and my grandmother believes she suffers from Antisocial Personality Disorder(sociopath).

She hasn’t been diagnosed, but I’ve been doing some reading and in most ways it was like I was reading a list of my mother’s behavior. One of the behavior’s struck a nerve however: “Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.”

My mother is promiscuous. Or, she was last I knew. Does being a sociopath automatically excuse what she did to me though? Sociopath’s are incapable of feeling empathy, remorse, or guilt.They think that the world is their oyster, and they are above everyone else. Mother has always thought this, and it’s been very obvious she thinks so. Does that mean her behavior towards me, all the abuse, is excused?

Abuse is never ok, but the fact that my mother could possibly be a sociopath changes things. If she was on medication, would she have still done what she did? If she wasn’t a sociopath would she still have touched me? Is she a sociopath, or is she just an evil person?

I don’t think I will ever know the answers to these questions. All I do know is, abuse is never ok, no matter what mental state the abuser is in.


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Under Her Bed

My mother got out of the hospital this week. She’s still very weak and ended up back in the emergency room the other night. She’s out again and resting at home trying to get her strength up. Her blood was too thin so they changed her medication.

While she’s been sick my grandmother has been cleaning out the trailer she and my sister live in. The trailer is a pigsty, it hasn’t ever really been thoroughly cleaned. My grandmother found three sex toys under my sisters bed. My sister is 11 and the toys have probably been there for years.

I didn’t quite know how to handle the news, I freaked out I wanted to fly back home and “save” my sister. But there is no real proof as to if anything went on, but I cannot wrap my mind around why the toys would be there in the first place. I have no problem with sex toys, I have a problem with an 11 year old having them under her bed. She isn’t old enough to be sexually active, she hasn’t even hit the full throngs of puberty yet.

I found this out a week ago, and I’m still not sure how to approach it. The more I thought about it, the longer I let the news digest, the less it really surprised me. Which is a sad, sad thing.

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